One Liners

[1] I CHILDPROOFED MY HOUSE, BUT THEY STILL GET IN. [2] (ON THE FRONT) 60 IS NOT OLD. (ON THE BACK) IF YOU'RE A TREE. [3] I'M STILL HOT. IT JUST COMES IN FLASHES. [4] AT MY AGE, "GETTING LUCKY" MEANS FINDING MY CAR IN THE PARKING LOT. [5] MY REALITY CHECK JUST BOUNCED. [6] LIFE IS SHORT. . MAKE FUN OF IT. [7] I'M NOT 50. I'M $49.95 PLUS TAX. [8] ANNAPOLIS--A DRINKING TOWN WITH A SAILING PROBLEM. [9] I NEED SOMEBODY BAD. ARE YOU BAD? [10] PHYSICALLY PFFFFFT! [11] BUCKLE UP. IT MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE ALIENS TO SNATCH YOU FROM YOUR CAR. [12] I'M NOT A SNOB. I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU ARE. [13] IT'S MY CAT'S WORLD. I'M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS. [14] EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE. [15] KEEP STARING....I MAY DO A TRICK. [16] WE GOT RID OF THE KIDS. THE CAT WAS ALLERGIC. [17] DANGEROUSLY UNDER-MEDICATED. [18] MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING. ONE BRILLIANT FLASH AND IT'S GONE. (use Homer SImpson)) [19] EVERY TIME I HEAR THE DIRTY WORD "EXERCISE" I WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH CHOCOLATE. [20] CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE. [21] LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT WHEN YOU DIE, THE PREACHER WILL NOT HAVE TO TELL LIES AT YOUR FUNERAL. [22] IN GOD WE TRUST. ALL OTHERS WE POLYGRAPH.

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