One Liners
[1] I CHILDPROOFED MY HOUSE, BUT THEY STILL GET IN.
[2] (ON THE FRONT) 60 IS NOT OLD.
(ON THE BACK) IF YOU'RE A TREE.
[3] I'M STILL HOT. IT JUST COMES IN FLASHES.
[4] AT MY AGE, "GETTING LUCKY" MEANS FINDING MY CAR IN THE PARKING LOT.
[5] MY REALITY CHECK JUST BOUNCED.
[6] LIFE IS SHORT. . MAKE FUN OF IT.
[7] I'M NOT 50. I'M $49.95 PLUS TAX.
[8] ANNAPOLIS--A DRINKING TOWN WITH A SAILING PROBLEM.
[9] I NEED SOMEBODY BAD. ARE YOU BAD?
[10] PHYSICALLY PFFFFFT!
[11] BUCKLE UP. IT MAKES IT HARDER
FOR THE ALIENS TO SNATCH YOU FROM YOUR CAR.
[12] I'M NOT A SNOB. I'M JUST BETTER THAN YOU ARE.
[13] IT'S MY CAT'S WORLD. I'M JUST HERE TO OPEN CANS.
[14] EARTH IS THE INSANE ASYLUM OF THE UNIVERSE.
[15] KEEP STARING....I MAY DO A TRICK.
[16] WE GOT RID OF THE KIDS. THE CAT WAS ALLERGIC.
[17] DANGEROUSLY UNDER-MEDICATED.
[18] MY MIND WORKS LIKE LIGHTNING. ONE BRILLIANT FLASH AND IT'S GONE. (use Homer SImpson))
[19] EVERY TIME I HEAR THE DIRTY WORD "EXERCISE" I WASH MY MOUTH OUT
WITH CHOCOLATE.
[20] CATS REGARD PEOPLE AS WARM-BLOODED FURNITURE.
[21] LIVE YOUR LIFE SO THAT WHEN YOU DIE, THE PREACHER WILL NOT HAVE TO
TELL LIES AT YOUR FUNERAL.
[22] IN GOD WE TRUST. ALL OTHERS WE POLYGRAPH.
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